saying goodbye .. and Helloo!

for the past 10 years i have been a rebel .. with my parents that is .. whatever they wanted me to do .. i did the opposite .. i had fights after fights after fights .. and through it all .. my parents have endured the countless tantrums countless hurtful words and the countless attacks i threw at them .. and what have they done about it .. nothing! they forgive and they forget and have given me everything i could possibly want and done everything they could to make me happy .. and how does that make me feel 10 years on .. not very happy! but very disappointed in myself .. tomorrow is a new year a new day .. a new decade .. a decade where i step out of my teens .. a decade where im most likely to become someone's wife .. a decade where i graduate with a Bachelors and Masters .. inshaAllah ...

the decade that is about to pass .. saw me start life in Dubai .. make the bestest friends a girl could ask for .. had my heart 'broken' countless times .. leave school .. live away from home for the first time .. become an adult .. and an aunt .. and most importantly discover the joy of shoes ..
im not one for making new resolutions but this year i feel like .. so here goes ..
- Being nicer to the parents ..
- Pass Economicssss!!
- Shut you out of my life .. because God knows you just make me feel miserable!!!
- Quit whining .. and be happy happy happy no matter what!!
- Buy more shoess!
- Get a job ..
- Save enough for a Malaysian trip ..

yes .. that sums up what i want to achieve this year ..
all 0f you my awesome readers .. thank you for reading my rantings for the past year .. its been a year since i started blogging too! :D and thank you for the feedback and comments .. much appreciated! :D i love when you guys leave a comment btw makes me feel like people actually read the nonsense that i type!
anyways heres wishing all of you a VERY HAPPY 2010!!! God Bless! xx

Choo Me!

give me jimmy choos and i am all yours till death do us part!

i love the platfrom heels and the black and white detail [ 800 freaking dollars!! ] and the lovely mustardy yellow bag! ohh and the models calf muscles .. i've started cardio-exercises targetting that troublesome area just so i could have calf muscles like her!

wish me luck and wish me choos!

Dont Judge Me

dont you just hate it when people look at the things you have or how you look on the outside and judge you .. well i hate it .. !!

so yes i may look like i have it all .. and yes my parents maybe working abroad .. and yes im blessed with alot of things but that doesnt mean ive had it easy .. that doesnt mean ive had it handed to me .. that doesnt mean ive not had to work for the things .. that doesnt mean anything because just like you .. i've had to earn the cash to buy the things i want .. and now you'll say that its still easy for you because you buy petty, pretty things with the money you earn .. see this is where your wrong again .. some of the cash i earned i had to use it to pay for my tution fees and all .. and my parents .. they work hard .. sweat, blood and tears .. to give us the best .. and they have a million and one commitments!

i hate it that people think that just because my parents live and work in dubai .. they have money growing in their backyard .. my parents got their the hard way .. the very very hard way .. and they still make so many sacrifices and they still do .. just so that they can give us the lives we lead ..

so dont go judging me on the bags i have or the shoes i own .. or the clothes i wear .. because that wont tell you anything about me .. they are just things .. that's all they are just things ..

im tired ..

im tired of you expecting me to screw up .. im tired of you having no faith in me ..
im tired of trying to live up to your expectations ..
im tired of you not trusting me .. im tired of you not hearing my side ..
im tired of you assuming the worst .. im tired of you always taking his side ..
im tired of you not believing me .. im tired of you thinking i dont care ..
im tired of you not knowing me .. im tired of you thinking you know me ..

im tired of you ..

there comes a point when you realize that however much you try or do its never enough .. so you stop trying and you focus your attention elsewhere ..

i know that one day you will realize the truth and instead of saying i told you so then i know i will forget and forgive ..

i want you to listen .. i want you to care .. i want you to stop assuming you know everything about me because you dont .. i hate that in spite of everything thats happened this year you still dont trust me .. and you still dont give me a chance and you still dont say well done ..

im tired of trying to live up to your expectations because whatever i do and however hard i try it is never enough ..

i shall turn away now .. i shall walk away ..
and i hope that one day you will see my side .. one day you will listen to what i have to say .. and that one day you will be proud .. because thats why i do what i do .. that is why even though i say i dont care i do ..

Marriage & Babies

no im not getting married and no im not pregnant .. (:

so the other day a friend who got married a couple of months ago tells me shes pregnant and it threw me off balance .. here was a girl 19 just like me and she was going to be a mother a M-O-T-H-E-R .. she was going to bring a life into this world .. i dont even want to think of the responsibility and all the effort and time and .. :

and a few days later i was catching up with an old friend and she tells me that this mutual friend of ours is married and has given birth to a baby boy .. she has a life in her hands .. she has someone to take care of full time .. what if you mess up!! its a L-I-F-E!!

these girls are 19 just like me .. and while i worry about mixing colours and whites in the wash .. and if i have pretty new shoes or whether i will be able to complete an assignment on time .. these girls have to worry about if the baby is fed .. is lunch ready for their husbands .. they have to stay up all night with their child .. or endure morning sickness ..

life is really put into perspective when you come across girls like this .. and no they were not forced into marriage and rather are happily married .. they have made so many sacrifices and yet they continue to smile and live life to the fullest ..

on an equally happy note .. a fellow blogger just got engaged .. Congratulations Tumbleweed!!! here's wishing you and JD all the happiness in the world!! (:

reflections ..

i'm sorry i've been MIA for awhile .. but i have had the craziest few weeks ..

today i was so overwhelmed .. it was crazy .. today is one year since .....

the last year has been crazy .. a rollercoaster of emotions and tantrums and good days and drama .. a potpourri of ups and downs and this whole load of stuff in between ..
this post is a reflection .. of the good the bad and the ugly .. i might sound like a tape recorder .. but its my blog and i feel like reflecting ..
so much has changed .. so much is so different from what i thought it would be .. after a very crappy beginning .. the year took a turn down the middle .. and right now .. im happy .. well and truly happy .. i dont want to jinx this happiness .. i dont know what's caused this change in emotion .. but im liking the smiling and happy go lucky persona .. (:

i've learnt so much this year .. as cliched as it sounds .. you dont always get what you want .. instead you get something so much better .. and there comes a point when you just stop thinking of what you wanted and start enjoying what you have .. and there comes a point when you realize change can be good .. and that things dont always work out for the worst ..

we've heard it a million and one times .. but damn its so true .. life is so unexpected .. it catches you off guard .. and punches you in the stomach .. and your left seeing stars .. but once you regain your balance/composure and all that .. everything is normal again .. and before you know it .. you forget the punch .. you learn to look at todays and tomorrows and not yesterdays ..

you learn to take everything with a pinch of salt .. and most importantly you learn to smile to yourself thinking of the first time you flicked a chain from claire's (:b!!!) and before you know it your humming as you sweep the house .. and your laughing to yourself in the library thinking of the chicken run ..

things change .. but it's doesnt necessarily mean for the worst ..

reasons why ..

What made Hitler .. Hitler? What made Saddam Hussein do the things he did? What makes murderers and rapists do what they do? What makes an Osama Bin Laden or a Timothy McVeigh do what they did?

Nobody is born bad .. it is always an external factor that triggers and bring about bad acts .. after learning about the Holocaust in detail .. i wondered .. how could one man hate an entire race so much? how could one man trigger the deaths of so many people? why would he do such a thing? so i sat down .. and got down to researching Hitler's life .. and guess what i found? Hitler's father was the illegitimate child of a Jew .. and when he was a kid, Hitler's dad used to physically abuse him .. so this angered him and I guess that's why the Holocaust happened .. I am not trying to justify what Hitler did .. but i think sometimes .. most times .. it's better to look at the bigger picture to try and understand things .. who are we to judge? who are we to point fingers? who are we to draw conclusions? there is always a reason behind an action ..

think about it .. think of your prejudices .. things you dont like .. people you dont like .. and think as to why you dont like the person or thing? and there will be a reason .. everything has a reason ..

Saddam Hussein killed all those people .. for a reason ..
Bin Laden is who he is .. for a reason ..
Hitler was Hitler .. for a reason ..
McVeigh killed all those people .. for a reason ..
I am me and you are you .. for a reason ..